Birthdays

I've pondered all the Birthday wishes I have to catch up on from the past few months.  I don't know why I let life sidetrack me so.  At any rate, it will be done. I will catch up.  But there was one Birthday I was fixated on all week.  I worried how it would affect my lovelies in Kentucky.  It was their Dad's Birthday.  The 23rd of September. The first birthday without him.  It weight heavy on my heart for them. I knew there would probably be tears and brokenness. But I prayed for strength for them.  Near the end of this week, his birthday to be exact, I had a thought.  A very eye opening thought. . . . . .

We celebrate the day we are born.  Our "traditional" birthday.  Then, if you are a Christian and can remember the exact day, we celebrate the day we asked Jesus into our hearts.  Our "salvation" birthday.  But ~ in reality ~ as believers ~  when we close our eyes to this world and open them in glory ~ isn't that our true Birthday?  The day we die is actually the day we shed away all these old bones and nonsense and take on a new body.  We are literally a new being. A new "person". Knowing this helps to ease the pain of "death anniversaries" and prompts me to want to celebrate "Heavenly Birthdays". And if I see it this way, my Mom would be a mere 39 years old!  Thirty-nine!

It's just a thought to ponder.

It's not text book material.

It's not even written anywhere.

I just found comfort in that thought.

I eases the heartache.

Sarah Sponda

I am writing this to let you know I am always thinking of you and the situations placed in your path.
I pray for you and your family to be able to wrap your heads around what may seem a mountain at your door.  But pray, I do.  I hug you guys daily with my heart and my mind.  I cry with you and sometimes I cry for you.   I understand.  I do.

It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are standing in the middle of "darkness".  It is easy to become fearful of what lies ahead, where to place your next step.  We all know the light is at the end.  But what we don't know and what makes our journey stressful at times is what we will encounter in that tunnel and how we will handle it.   The good thing is. . . we don't always have to go through tunnels!  Sometimes we can walk on a bridge or dance in the rain or catch snowflakes on our tongues or just sit on a pier at the river and dangle our legs taking in all the good life has given us and anticipating the best that is yet to come.

I read once when someone asked, "Why me?", the appropriate question should be, "Why not me?" I feel God has chosen you because of your strength, your faithfulness, but mostly because of your willingness.  He knew who could carry the burden, who would pray without ceasing, and who would learn to lean unashamedly on Him.  You are the middle child for a reason. You are a fulcrum.  You are the pivot on which your siblings are balanced.  It is a big job with seemingly little rewards that you can see.  But the rewards are there ~ Every.  Single.  Day.  They are your little nuggets of hope and hugs and smiles.  *They are the family and friends God has strategically placed around and about you, near and far.  They give you heartfelt, but God honoring advice.  They love you.  They do. They stand on each side of you ~ holding you up during the battle you are fighting. They offer you rest when you get weary.  They may not always be there physically, but their hearts and prayers are.  You are "sandwiched" between those who love and care for you. 

Please do not feel you are walking this journey called Life alone. 
Please feel the love that flows your way.

I love you ~ more than you will ever know.

Mom-Mom

PS:  Some of my favorite verses/quotes:

"Fear is the devil's darkroom where he takes you to develop the negative."

Ps. 119:105 ~  "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

Exodus 17:11-12 ~  " 11. And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed and when he let down his hand Amalek prevailed. 12. But Moses hands were heavy and they (Aaron & Hur) took a stone and put it under him and he sat thereon:  and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands , the one on the one side and the one on the other side, and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun."
 *we battle daily, Sarah.  We need Aarons and Hurs in our lives to help us prevail. 

Easter Break Review

Call a spade a spade, is what I say.  So it is NOT Spring Break in my book ~ it is Easter Vacation. Period.

Anyway, just a look back at how this past week unfolded.  I am never certain as to how things will flow with three gals ~ ranging in age from "Bossy, Sassy and Don't Look at Me".   I just hold my breath, hunker down, and only peek when absolutely necessary!

On Monday we decided brownies were in order ~ so brownies it was.  I think they may have had a hankering for them.  Let's just pull up a chair.  Nothing like watching brownies bake while enjoying a baggie of oyster crackers. 

Watching Brownies Bake

On Tuesday, it was, you guessed it ~ dump the clothespins day ~ count them, clip them together, take them apart, divide them into piles, pick them up and do it all over again . . . .

I'll say it again ~ cheap entertainment!

On Wednesday I decided to finish polishing the silver I started on Tuesday.  Ben made the statement that old silver should not be used anymore.  The girls on the other hand ~ can't wait to use it! 

Not very ap"peal"ing to Banana Man

oooo  . . . . . shiny

Thursday came and went, as did Friday.  We drove ourselves crazy with Mario Brothers. Being so close, but sooooo far from the end evokes insanity and short tempers!  You should see Baby Girl with the Wii remote.  She'll be a pro soon, guaranteed.  That is ~ if she will keep it away from her mouth so she doesn't lose playing privileges!  Goldilocks and Reasy Peasy left early.  That left Baby Girl and I to ourselves for the rest of the day.  Just when you are getting used to the noise level, it falls back to the chatter of baby garble and the patter of tiny feet being chased by a weary old lady.  So our day goes ~ just the two of us ~ once again.  We are cheap entertainment for each other ;).

It's Jello Jiggler time!

So today, the Little Ladies whipped up a batches of Jello for Jello Egg Jigglers.  We shall have them for dinner dessert tomorrow.

I've been focusing all week on tomorrow and the reason we are celebrating the Easter Vacation that leads up to Easter Sunday.  It is more than humbling when I think of the depth of the holiday and the gift that I so DON'T deserve.   

"Dancing With God"

I, by nature, am not a follower.
But, equally, I don't see myself as a leader either. Go figure.

And. . . I'm sure I drive people nuts. Actually, I'm almost positive that I do. But they tolerate me and send me things like the following "article". (I love them for it.) I don't know who wrote it but I love it and I am going to embrace it.


Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance."
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life..
Once again, I became willing to let God lead...
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God, as God abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.

I am going to stop, breath in, breath out, wait for God's hand to touch my back, then . . .dance.

A Brief Look at 2010

As I look back over this past year I am surprised at the many things that have transpired.

• Bob took a job in February of this year in Kentucky. When he left there was at least 18 inches of snow on the ground. Thank you very much.
• Ben and I started working on the kitchen in March, which still isn't done, by the way. Talk about patience - whew - I think I have the definition memorized by now!
• Ben graduated from Wor-Wic in May.
• Piper was born at the end of May.
• Bob came back home in June.
• He's had a couple different jobs since then.
• He got laid off from his last job just before Thanksgiving.
• Christmas was wonky this year - to say the least.
• We are currently still unemployed.

I have survived. I will continue to do so. I may go a little crazy now and then, but survive I will do. On the flip side of all this, I have been richly blessed.

• We got a huge tax return last year, thanks to our paying Ben's tuition. That allowed us to buy some things for the kitchen and it is keeping us afloat at the moment.
• Bob was able to get unemployment - not a healthy pay check, but it keeps the creditors fed.
• My sister and her family were generous to us this Christmas - God truly provides in the time of need - and I am eternally grateful for that and I am thankful for her.
• Everyone is healthy (we don't have health insurance at this moment in time)
• I have friends that pray for me and two gals that let me vent to the ends of the earth

I am not fearful of this coming year. It will be what it will be. I only have to "go with the flow" and keep my head bowed and my knees bent. I pray for: wisdom, strength, compassion, humor, creativity, and that ugly word, patience.

So begins a new year!

Ironing

I've been doing a lot of ironing these past two days. Ironing, I found, is very therapeutic for me. I actually like to iron. I remember doing it as a young girl for my mom and when I started Junior High, my Home-Ec teacher taught me some of the proper ways to iron.


As I was ironing I began thinking about how this wrinkled fabric compared to my inner self. I use a hot steam iron to remove unwanted wrinkles from, in this case, curtains. Holding the iron on the wrinkles while the hot steam penetrates the fabric does two things for me. One - it removes the wrinkle - in some cases almost completely. Two - the smell of the steamed fabric gives me a warm feeling inside.

The downside of ironing is that while it straightens and flattens the fabric, if you aren't careful you can make more of a mess than you started with. There have been times I have actually ironed wrinkles into the fabric. And depending on the nature of the fabric, those wrinkles may become permanent. No amount of re-ironing will remove them. The heat has permanently set them in.

So how does this apply to me?

I am very wrinkled inside - in my spirit. I can "feel" these wrinkles. And just as wrinkles on fabric make it look dishevelled, so I feel dishevelled in my soul. The bad thing, or good, depending on how you look at it, is I can't iron my soul, my spirit, my inner self. I simply am not capable of such a task.


Just as fabric becomes wrinkled with normal use, so does my soul. It is life. It leaves wrinkles from the size of straight pens to the size of 2x4's on my heart. Most of the little wrinkles go unnoticed. But when the big ones pile on, I become "unsightly", especially to God.


He is the only One that can remove the wrinkles of my soul. His "iron" is far more powerful than mine and He is more cautious than me. He can remove any wrinkle, at any time. I just have to ask Him to "straighten" me out. And the best part is, He doesn't, I repeat doesn't, iron wrinkles into me!

So, as I am ironing, I made it my purpose to ask God to reveal my wrinkles and iron them out. One by one or two by two. I don't care. Just hit me with that steam. And He obliged. The good thing is He is starting out slow and small. I have a lot of deep wrinkles and the little ones need to be taken care of first and then on to the mama-jamas of them all.


The first wrinkle I felt smooth away - our employment situation. It may not resolve itself right away but my worrying isn't speeding up the process. I have a simple peace about it.


The second wrinkle - the rushed days and busyness of my mornings - how stressed I feel.

So to check on a sleeping child and see the peace on her face - with no worry of who cares for her or who loves her because it is something we freely give to her and she feels it - melts me. It stood as a reminder to me that God freely gives His love to all of us. He marvels in our peace when we let Him. I felt the wrinkle of the stress and busyness smooth away as I stared at her. She is just a small representation of the love I have for my whole family - a love that I can't even describe sometimes.



I can feel the wrinkles subsiding. It will take some time, I'm sure. It may even take a long time, but most assuredly, I am being ironed!

Case of the Moods

I'm not sure why I'm writing tonight. I just feel the urge. If I don't write, I'll surely hurt someone and we don't want that to happen now do we. I also feel like spelling every other word wrong. How's that for a mild case of rebellion? Not bad, if I say so myself. You may turn the page now if you are sensitive and don't want to read, otherwise, read at your own risk.

I get into these "moods" every now and again. It's all okay. I wouldn't really injure anyone and I eventually right myself. But I must have them. Otherwise I would eat 300 pounds chocolate a day and maybe, for added kicks and giggles, about 20 gallons of ice cream on top of 20, 9x13, pans of brownies loaded with 20 bags of chocolate chips for good measure. Ha! Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

So. . . . you're probably wondering why I'm in such an intolerable mood. I would like to say: "Because I can be." , but that's not really appropriate - or is it? Hmmm. . . . Well aside from the fact that I am dog tired, my house is upside down, my kitchen isn't done, (and its bugging the daylights out of me), we are in the proverbial bread line, again. Did I say I am tired? Dog tired? Being unemployed drains me emotionally and physically. And it sets me up to have these nasty moods. Most of the time I roll with it. Right now, not happening. But, this too shall pass. It is just a season. I don't know how long it will last, but I know it won't last forever. Amen on that.

I know I am in the cleft of His hand. I know I am secure during the turbulent rides. But, they are turbulent none the less. And sometimes it is a bit frightening. And it is dark. And I don't like the dark. So I have to remind me that He has me. But sometimes I forget to remind me and let my emotions take charge. And take charge they do. But I know it will be okay. It always is. With that, tomorrow is a brand new day. With brand new opportunities. I am making it my job to look beyond those gray clouds I love so much at times to the Son that shines behind them. My silver lining is there - somewhere. I just know it is. He promises me.

I'm better already. Just had to scrawl it out.

"Inspiration"

I hardly think of myself as one who inspires. Every day I entertain one emotion or another. I don't usually stop to think about my impact on others. (It's usually just me and myself here!). So, I need to be more mindful that my struggles - even the worse ones - are handled in such a way as to give credit where credit is due. And that a positive reaction is always inserted, somewhere! God ultimately leads me along the way - and the things I write are given much consideration as to how they reflect on me, the ones I write about, and Him, but they are things on my heart. It's hard for me not to be brutally honest sometimes. I have a difficult time hiding my emotions and those very emotions do get me into trouble on occasion! But sometimes, just sometimes, there is a pleasant surprise!



My niece, Bekah, emailed me last night to tell me that I inspired her to start a blog. (Bekah's Babbles) I can't tell you the span of emotion I felt when I read that note. My initial reaction was "yeah, a new bloggie!", but when the reality of her words set in, I was humbled, touched, if you will.

To inspire someone is quite an honor I think - to cause them to try or do something they may not otherwise try or do. And that thought alone is - scary. It conveys trust. Trust that they can muster up the ability to do something that may intimidate them, and succeed at it. And that is what is motivational and scary for the "inspirer".

Thank you Bekah for allowing me to be an inspiration to you!
I love you, Little Lady. You are going to make a wonderful bloggie!

Baby Piper Blowing Bubbles in Mommy's Belly!

Sonograms have come a long, very long, way since my first pregnancy 37 years ago. Every year new and improved and astonishing techniques are discovered and implemented. Modern medicine is certainly a modern marvel.

The sonogram of Baby Piper, taken yesterday, shows her blowing bubbles! ! ! Of all things. . . . . I've heard of them seeing babies suck their thumbs, wave and bounce, catching hic-ups in action and even seeing the heartbeat in their little chests. But blowing bubbles? It is without a doubt one of the most amazing things I have ever seen! Kelly said she was not only blowing bubbles, but you could see her "talking". Her little lips moving.

Oh. My. Word. How. Wonderful! Just makes me melt.

Can one not see God in this? How can man accept that we just "happened"? How can one not understand the intricacy of it all? This little girl moves, waves, hic-ups, her heart beats, and yes, she blows bubbles! !

"Charity"

Charity according to Webster:
1. generous actions or donations to aid the poor, ill or helpless
2. Christian love; agape

I love the verse on my side bar today - 1 Cor. 13:1-3

Sometimes I think I get all caught up in the law of the Word that I forget the most simple of things. I can have all the gifts God has to offer, but if I don't give of myself - my time, my money, or my love - what earthly good are these gifts? Who will they actually benefit? Who am I pleasing "owning" these things if I don't give from the deepest part of myself? I don't want to be the package all wrapped with a pretty bow - and be empty inside. I think giving from the depth of the soul only heightens the gifts one has to offer. It is a difficult thing for me to do - pulling from deep inside the things that are, for me anyway, the hardest to share - no - give. But, if I can focus on these things consistently, maybe, just maybe, I can embrace and accomplish this very unique verse.

Malachi 3:3

My entire family has been going thru many different and difficult challanges for quite some time.
Heidi Gore, a most dear friend, emailed me the following - and I must say - it hit the nail on the head. It truly gives me hope for those days when I feel there is none. I just remember - God will NOT leave me in the fire too long!
Such encouragments will undoubtedly find thier way into my blog from time to time.
I thank the Lord for my wonderful friends!


Malachi 3:3 says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:

"He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."


If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.”