An Oxymoron

I am so excited about Christmas, but my spirit is quite sad. Why is that? I truly love this time of year, but something always tugs at my spirit and leaves me feeling a little on the "blue" side of life. Could it just be circumstances around me, my past, the uncertainty of the future, the fact that I have a brother who's birthday is this month and the thought of him makes me sad, the fact that a little baby was born just to die for my salvation and I am so undeserving of that, or a combination of all these things? It bothers me to feel this way when I know I should be kicking my heels up and doing a jig. Maybe that's the way my life balances out - good, bad, and indifferent and I am more aware of it at this time of the year. After all, it is a time to reflect back on where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going. The trick, and sometimes very hard part, is putting it all in perspective.